Geez, it's been forever since my last post. For those of you who actually still read this thing, I'm sorry I haven't written. My inability to communicate stretches to cover each and every aspect of my interpersonal relations. Whoa.

I guess I owe you people a rundown on my life. We'll go summer, family, school. How's that sound?

My summer was amazing. Insanely tiring, but very constructive and edifying. I worked with upwards of 200 people, including extras, and got to know about 20 people really well. It was an adventure that I look forward to undertaking again next summer. More information about Advent Film Group (AFG) to follow in a later post. (How many times have I said that???)
Our movie is in post-production. We are getting close to the final editing stage. I'm consistently in communication with the editor and his assistant, so I like to think I'm "in the know."
Link to our offical trailer!

On a more personal note, my mom is pregnant again. I can't quite decide if I'm excited or just weirded out. My final reaction will probably be some weird combination of the two. The baby is due sometime in March, over spring break. My family is going to schedule the C-section so I can be there for the birth and so I can help out for a little while afterwards. Other than feeling a little strange toting around a newborn that could be mine, but isn't, I think this is probably one of the more exciting things in my life right now.
I've been talking with my birth-mother recently. My depression has been a lot more pronounced for the last couple weeks because of conversations with her. She makes promises and then doesn't follow up on them. I know exactly what is going to happen each and every time, but that knowledge doesn't keep me from getting my hopes up. The inevitable disappointment that follows puts me into a deep funk that can last for days or weeks. It was especially bad this last time around. I was emo and unhappy and borderline suicidal.
Things are going better, though. I opened up to her and expressed one of my fears. She responded very well, which surprised me. Her words unlocked the door to allow myself to be loved. The door is not open yet--don't get me wrong--but I think I might be a little more secure in who I am.

School. The longest part of this post could be about school. Sheesh. I just got my first "Academic Notification," aka the "You're about to fail this class, you freaking moron" notice. Music Appreciation and History is the culprit, of all classes! MUSIC! ME! I could have killed something when I got my midterm back. I also just received a homework assignment grade... I failed to report on one song out of four, so I got zero credit. Again, I could have killed something. And, to add insult to injury, I had to sit through class after that. Meh. Life really sucks sometimes. The problem is a general lack of motivation. I don't care about what I'm doing anymore, there doesn't seem to be any point, and so I'm getting worn out trying to care about something I don't care for. I did it to myself, but now I have to figure out what I want to do instead.
On a "lighter" note, I don't think that I'll be coming back to school next semester. As I said before, Mom is pregnant and will need a lot of help before and after the birth. Personally, I can't wait to just get settled in with my family again. I haven't been in my "home" for two years because of all the moving around that we've done.
I don't know if I'll do community college or distance learning (DL) classes yet. I really just want to take some time off from academics and focus on domestic life. At the same time, I don't know if I'd be able to survive just helping with stuff at home. It gets really monotonous really quickly.
Once I decide to go back to school (if I decide to go back to school), I'm relatively certain that I'm going to pursue theater. I can't stand the thought of doing more school in my unmotivated state. So, yeah. About four schools should be sending me information in the next couple of weeks, so I'll be looking at them and trying to decide what to do. Fortunately, it doesn't look like tuition is going to be a big problem. My birth-mother said that the VA should pay for school because my step-father is a Purple Heart Veteran. That's a load off my mind and a load off my family's checkbook. I am very, very happy about the knowledge.

Anyway, that's the basic rundown of my life. More details to follow at some point in the (hopefully, relatively) near future. Much love to you all!

Labels: family, mother, school, summer